FWD: Questions of Wisdom … and some stupid answer

A while back my friend forwarded me a mail titled: ‘Spread the stupidity’. When I read it, I do not find it stupid at all. Maybe I am just not wise enough to realise that it was supposed to be stupid. Anyway, I will list down the questions, and I will try to answer it.

Q: Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
A: Because they want the smokers to die faster.

Q: Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
A: Because they feel good when they are on a diet.

Q: Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
A: Because pens are considered consumables while the doors are considered assets, and the insurance only covers the doors, not the pens.

Q: Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?
A: Because we will never invite our neighbours into our garage to admire our cars.

Q: Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering?
A: Because the banks cannot be discriminating towards the visually impaired.

They even put up a sign for it!

They even put up a sign for it!

Ever wonder …

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Because we are not hairy enough to cover our skins, like our monkey brothers.

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Hmm…not true, because my beloved can.

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
Because they won’t cash out the winnings as using psychic power is considered as cheating.

Why is ‘abbrevitated’ such a long word?
That is why the abbreviated form for this word is ‘abbrev.’

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
Because they never got it right.

Why is lemon juice made with articial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Because you have to know the difference between 7-Up and Sprite.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
That is why I am broke now.

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Because cats do not play with their food.

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Because it was hiding in the elephants.

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Because they are going to recycle the needles.

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Because the data when a plane crashes is more valuable than the lives lost when the plane crashes.

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Because they kept us and our neighbours apart.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Because that is where you stop flying and have to keep both feet on the ground.

FWD: Comic – The Break Up – Repaying the bloody debt…

My beloved forwarded me a comic strip and said that I will love it because I am lame enough to laugh out loud. Well, I am lame enough to even share this with you guys. Heh heh!  Have a good laugh! :)

Bloody Break Up

Due to the size of the strip, I had to shrink it and thus the words are not too clear. Here is the conversation between the G(irl) and the B(oy).

#1
G : Zakk, I think we should break up.
B : What!?

#2
B : After all we’ve been through you want to break up!?

#3
B : I even donated my blood to save your life and this is how you repay me!?

#4
G : I’m sorry, Zakk … but I just don’t love you anymore … 

#5
B : Then give me back my blood.

#6
Silence

#7
G : Fine.

#8
G : Here’s my tampon. I’ll pay you monthly.

 

On the day of 28th March, 2009

Here is the list of events that took place on the first day of my twenty-eight-year-old life in chronological order.

0000hrs – My beloved video calls me to wish me a very happy birthday!

0010hrs – My mother wishes me a happy birthday too. Received a few SMSes from friends as well.

0030hrs – Continue with my work on moving the motherboard and components of my computer to a lighter casing.

0400hrs – Finally done with the CPU I was working on, tested and ran fine. Did not realise it took so long and I had to wake up at 0700hrs for Cheng Beng (Tomb Sweeping).

0715hrs – Struggled to wake up and was 15 minutes late. Washed up in a hurry and drove over to grandma’s place. Feeling like a zombie.

0745hrs – Finally everyone is ready and we set out for breakfast in two cars at a nearby dim sum place.

0900hrs – The food at the dim sum place tasted awful, I have no choice but to swallow them, as I need some energy for the tomb sweeping later. We left Ipoh and headed to Tapah for our first stop, where my great-grandmother, great-grandfather and grand-uncle are laid to rest.

1000hrs – Arrived at Tapah and there was a lot of people there already.

Ancestors tomb in Tapah

Ancestors' tomb in Tapah

1100hrs – After waiting for an hour for our other relatives to pay their respect to my great-grandmother, it is our turn and it took us less than 20 minutes to complete. On average, we spent 20 minutes per tomb, but our other relatives, who are very ‘filial’, took almost 45 minutes to ‘sweep the tomb’.

1200hrs – We (my mother, two of my uncles, my cousin and I) stood directly under the sun, waiting for our other relatives to do their praying. Sweat is rolling down my cheeks like it was raining and everyone here is beginning to get some tan.

1300hrs – Finally…we are on our way back to Ipoh. Next stop is my grandfather’s ‘condo’, located in Bercham. Grandma will meet us there as she skipped the Tapah trip. She is having problem with her knees so it is better for her to stay at home.

1340hrs – Kek Lok Temple is where my grandfather’s ashes is being kept. It is a buddhist temple, the premises is clean and the statues look classy. I am a Christian, therefore I can only admire the architectural wonders of the building and regard the statues as artwork pieces.

My grandfather's final resting place

My grandfather's final resting place

1430hrs – And the tomb sweeping is completed! We all head over to Pizza Hut for lunch. The pizza is bad. The bread-stix is hard and cold. The waiter/waitresses do not even have a smile on the face, they are serving us as if we were inmates.

1600hrs – Home, showered and resting. Random activities such as watching drama, reading news and books. Mind was drifted away most of the time.

1930hrs – Dinner. On my birthday, I requested for porridge for dinner. I just need more liquid and I do not really feel like having heavy food. Perhaps I am really getting old?

2030hrs – Counting down to earth hour and when the clock on my notebook turns 20:30, all the lights in the house go off. We took out the emergency light charged and surprisingly it was bright enough. I took a picture of 8TV’s transmission before turning the TV off too. During the earth hour, all electronic devices are run on batteries. Including my notebook.

8TV's Transmission during Earth Hour

8TV's transmission during Earth Hour

I looked out from the house and saw that the neighbourhood is darker than usual nights, seems like everyone is doing their part to create the global warming awareness. Or do they really know why do they have to turn off the lights for 60 minutes?

My beloved was doing her part too, lighting only candles for the entire hour to study. We chatted online and video called, but since it was so dark, it somewhat felt creepy.

Before switching on the lights after earth hour, in between 2030hrs and 2130hrs, I got so tired that I slept on the couch in the living room. My beloved complained later that when she called I just cut off her phone (which I have totally no memory of), and my mother was complaining that my snoring was the only sound she hear while she was watching her drama on TV.

And this concludes the first day of my twenty-eight-year-old life.

The last thing I remember before dozing off...

The last thing I remember before dozing off...

P.S. I woke up around 0900hrs the following day.

Random Thoughts 090402

It was April Fools yesterday. I did not get pranked but my car’s speedo died on me.

It is quite a challenge driving without a speedo because we have traffic police with their speed guns stationed at all sort of weird places that people will unknowingly exceed the limit unless they drive with their eyes on the speedo, not the road. Therefore it is never safe to follow the speed of other cars, and it means I have to drive EXTRA slow.

That is why I am blogging from my phone now. After sending my beloved this morning, I went straight to the service center. They made we wait for 30 minutes and eventually tell me to go to another service center because they do not have the replacement part in stock. So then I arrived here at 1030hrs.

After being attended to and typed in the information to the computer, I was told that I can get my car back at 1200hrs. Since I have no one to fetch me, I waited at the service center. My car was sitting in the same position until 1130hrs! The time now is 1225hrs and my car is inside the workshop (finally!) and people are working on it. Now I wonder when I can get my car fixed.

On another note, there are a few things I want to blog about, so I am going to list it down before I forget:
1) Events that took place on 090328
2) What you see in the ads are not what you get in Pizza Hut
3) The home-made steamboat dinner that was supposed to be my birthday dinner
4) Two movie reviews: Confession of a shopaholic and Slumdog Millionaire
5) Two forwarded emails that is worth sharing with you all.
Now I have enough materials to cover my blog for the next two week. I just have to write it out.

More updates to come…

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